Author Archives: campisaacchaos


Can I just tell you all, all who may happen to land upon this blog, which isn’t many at all anymore, how bad this case of baby fever is?!

Don’t get me wrong… baby fever never really *left* me.

I caught it when I was about… 16? 15?

and it’s been with me ever since.

Fact is, I adore babies. And I adore being pregnant, feeling baby kick, watching my belly grow.

Other fact is, I had my tubes tied when I had Liliya because Anthony/”we” didn’t want any more babies.

Mostly Anthony.

Had I ANY idea he was going to leave this world 8 weeks later, I wouldn’t have even considered it.

I wish I could go back in time and chose differently.

And yes, for anyone wondering, I’m perfectly aware I have plenty of kids. Trust me, I’m aware. I take care of them every day, I’m painfully aware of how many kids I have.

But it doesn’t stop me from wanting more.

I want one with Drew. I want one of ours, one for us. I want a baby, half me, half him.

I’m so much older now than I was… I have so much more knowledge and experience, with life, with having kids.

I feel like I would be able to enjoy a baby so much more at this point in my life. The kids would be able to enjoy being big brothers and sisters, they’re actually old enough to understand, to help, to participate.

Every baby I see… every belly I see… every teeny tiny onesie and itty bitty sock,…

makes my uterus SCREAM. And my empty arms ache.

If I had only known…


We fully intend on shelling out a huge amount of money to have a tubal reversal. As soon as we have it, it’s as good as done.

I really have to lose some weight first.

And we really need to finish the house.

Annnnd getting married first would probbbbably be a good idea.

So, until then…

I’ll keep loving on my ‘babies’, on my nieces and nephews, longing for the day we can finally make this dream come true.




baby fever


a long overdue update :)


Sometimes I forget about my blog. I share my random little updates and photos on facebook, which is nice because everyone can keep up with us, but when it comes down to it, my blog is the one place I want my entire life to be. I want it all in one easily accessible place, and this is that place. That being said, I really need to make more of an effort to keep it updated and current!

The kids are all doing wonderfully in school. We just had parent-teacher conferences a week and a half ago, and I heard either what I expected or better than I expected from all of the kids’ teachers.

Rayce is doing incredibly. He is such a smarty pants, his teacher says he can go anywhere he wants in life. He is above grade level in almost everything, the couple things he is just meeting grade level at are simply because of his mediocre effort. On a select few subjects, he puts forth the bare minimum needed to get by. He doesn’t like to elaborate much in his writing, which is what we’re trying to push him on. His reading level is very high and he is past the end of the year benchmark in math, already, after only 1/4 of the school year! I adore his teacher, she is fair but firm and she is helping him keep a lid on his chatting.

Reni is loving kindergarten and soaking it alllllll in. She’s above grade level in most things, she picks things up soooo quickly!! She knows lots of sight words and impresses me every afternoon with her reading skills. Her teacher loves her, always talks about how sweet and kind she is. She has been a little sad lately and we’ve been talking about possibly getting her in to see a counselor just to work through her feelings about all these changes in her life recently. She’s been through a lot for a 5 year old! She went from being practically a twin (her brother was just 10 months older) to being an only child with adults spoiling her to soften the blow of losing her brother, to being one of 4/6 kids who has to share her space, her daddy, her new Mama, and her life. 

Holden has made progress by leaps and bounds since the beginning of the school year! He went into kindergarten not knowing much at all, and now he can write and recognize most letters, is learning letter sounds, and can count to and recognize numbers to 20.  He has made sooo much progress with his behavior, too, and has gotten much better about sitting still and keeping quiet when he needs to. His teacher says he is a SPONGE! He’s always been a whiz, I knew he would pick up on things quickly! Holden’s mom invited me to his parent teacher conference, and I was so glad to get to be there as well. 

Charlize is doing exactly as I expected in kindergarten. She is just where they expect them to be at this point in the year. She’s beginning to recognize beginning sounds in words and is starting to recognize some sight words. Apparently she’s an angel in school and doesn’t have any behavioral issues in class, which is wonderful, but her behavior at home has been slipping a little bit. I’ve got to nip that in the bud immediately before it gets any worse. We adore her teacher, Rayce had her for kindergarten, and she says Charlize is a doll 🙂

Liliya has come out of her shell quite a bit since starting preschool. She is usually happy to go in the mornings, and she comes home chit chatting about what she did that day. She is farrr beyond where they expect almost 4 years old to be academically, she recognizes all of her letters and knows almost all (if not all!) of her letter sounds, and she can count up to 20 and recognize 1-9. She is a little behind socially/emotionally, and is still very shy at school, but she is taking lots of big steps in the right direction and that’s the only thing that matters to me!

Dante will start kindergarten next September and I’m going to make a conscious effort to start working with him on writing his name and recognizing letters and letter sounds when he’s here on the weekends.

It’s been hard, keeping up with multiple school-aged kids! Even though the girls usually just have a short book to read and Rayce takes care of most of his homework on his own, it’s hard just keeping track of 3-4 sets of papers, notes and book logs to sign, class info, etc etc etc. 

We’re gearing up for Christmas, scraping and scrounging and hoping we can manage to pull off a decent Christmas for the kiddos. It seems to get harder and harder every year, and I KNOW it’s not supposed to be about the gifts, but I love to be able to give things to my kids and it’s hard to know I can’t afford to do much at all. In previous years they’ve each gotten 10-15 gifts and this year it’s going to be more like 4, and they’re going to smaller and cheaper, too. It’s hard on me. I hope the kids don’t feel jipped. They are wonderful kids and they deserve the world, I wish I could give them more.


As for my photography, I haven’t been doing as much lately because the weather is just isn’t nice enough and it’s sooo much more difficult to take good photos inside!

I will get around to posting some recent pictures soon 🙂 Enough for now, I’ve got to head to bed, 630am comes much earlier than I’d like!

The mom I want to be


I feel like I’m finally starting to become the mom I want to be.

You know the type.

The patient, calm, involved mother you always pictured yourself being.

I’m working at it. It’s a lot of work. A lot of reminding myself “I’ll miss this when it’s gone” and “this too shall pass”. A lot of deep breaths and mommy breaks when I start to lose my cool. It takes a lot of time and energy and conscious thought.

But I’m getting there.

On my way to becoming the Mama I always dreamed I would be.

(Hopefully I’ll be totally there before all my kids are grown 😉


Spent the morning at the Humane Society taking photos. Had fun with the kitties, can’t wait to go back, I plan to make it a once a week kind of thing, helping with whatever needs done. Wanted to bring home a few dozen cats. Luckily, I can get my cat fix without bringing any home, by volunteering on a regular basis 🙂


Did I mention I can’t wait to go back?! It will be more fun when I don’t have the camera glued to my face, too 🙂

I got a lot of unpacking done tonight, the kids room cleaned up and organized and a lot of laundry put away.

Still got a looooong way to go, but we’re getting there.

Our first morning here went really well, actually, and my life is a lot easier without the constant running back and forth between here and Mom’s.

I’m feeling very good about the decision to move in 🙂

Anyway, that’s all I’ve got for now.

Maybe now that things are calming down a bit, I’ll hope to get open house pictures and Rayce’s 7th birthday photos up!


School is going much better for Liliya the past few days 🙂

Today, she walked onto the bus, to her seat, all by herself, and then waved to me from the window. Not a single tear.

HUGE progress.

She now says she likes school, she has fun there, and she would rather go to school than be home with me all day.


We have open house for the big kids tonight. Which reminds me, I need to charge my camera! And empty my SD card.

Rayce, Serenity, and Charlize are all loving school. We have had no issues with anyone not wanting to go.

Holden’s mom said he is doing great, his teacher says he is very good at remembering things.

I do have to say that overseeing homework for 3 kids is a lot more work, as is keeping which papers belong to who. Luckily, they don’t have a lot of homework at this point, usually just reading for the girls and a worksheet for Rayce.

I supposed I should probably post pics from the first day of school, seeing as it’s been almost 2 weeks :-/

Hopefully I will have open house pictures to post within the next week or so 🙂

school and stuffs


School finally started for the rest of the kids on Monday.

They are loving it.

Charlize actually cried when a bus drove past because she thought it was HER bus and she wanted to go to school!

I have been having serious issues with Liliya, though. She will not get on the bus. Cries, goes limp, arches her back when we try to buckle her. There have been 3 days the bus wouldn’t take her because they had already waited for 5 minutes or so and we couldn’t get her buckled.

This week, Drew is going to come over in the mornings to put her on the bus. I think she’ll behave better for him. And if we can get her used to getting on without much of a problem, things will be much easier.

If another 2 weeks goes by and she’s still having this problem, just as bad, I might have to pull her out.

I’ll post pics when I get a chance, they’re all up on facebook.

We’re planning to move in with Drew next weekend. Or at least start the process. Living with my mom just isn’t the best thing for any of us anymore, including her. The mess and the noise drive her nuts. Driving back and forth so much drives me nuts. It’s too much work. So, we’re moving. We already spend most of our time here at Drew’s, anyway.

I’m having issues with my ear again, thinking a trip to the walk-in might be in order. Feeling pressure in my sinuses too 😦

Other than that, everything is going well.

I do feel like a chicken with my head cut off, especially in the morning, I get up at 6, and it’s GO GO GO for a few hours, or all day if I happen to be babysitting. Liliya gets off the bus at 11:45 and then it’s lunch, errands, cleaning and laundry, whatever needs to be done. We didn’t even get a chance to nap ONCE last week. And the big kids get off the bus at 3:45, then it’s snack, homework, dinner, cleanup, drive back to Mom’s, and bedtime. That’s when I usually sort and put away laundry until I pass out myself.

The days are crazy busy! But it feels good to have more structure to our days, and I’m sleeping so much better, from being so busy.