Aside

Can I just tell you all, all who may happen to land upon this blog, which isn’t many at all anymore, how bad this case of baby fever is?!

Don’t get me wrong… baby fever never really *left* me.

I caught it when I was about… 16? 15?

and it’s been with me ever since.

Fact is, I adore babies. And I adore being pregnant, feeling baby kick, watching my belly grow.

Other fact is, I had my tubes tied when I had Liliya because Anthony/”we” didn’t want any more babies.

Mostly Anthony.

Had I ANY idea he was going to leave this world 8 weeks later, I wouldn’t have even considered it.

I wish I could go back in time and chose differently.

And yes, for anyone wondering, I’m perfectly aware I have plenty of kids. Trust me, I’m aware. I take care of them every day, I’m painfully aware of how many kids I have.

But it doesn’t stop me from wanting more.

I want one with Drew. I want one of ours, one for us. I want a baby, half me, half him.

I’m so much older now than I was… I have so much more knowledge and experience, with life, with having kids.

I feel like I would be able to enjoy a baby so much more at this point in my life. The kids would be able to enjoy being big brothers and sisters, they’re actually old enough to understand, to help, to participate.

Every baby I see… every belly I see… every teeny tiny onesie and itty bitty sock,…

makes my uterus SCREAM. And my empty arms ache.

If I had only known…

Ugh.

We fully intend on shelling out a huge amount of money to have a tubal reversal. As soon as we have it, it’s as good as done.

I really have to lose some weight first.

And we really need to finish the house.

Annnnd getting married first would probbbbably be a good idea.

So, until then…

I’ll keep loving on my ‘babies’, on my nieces and nephews, longing for the day we can finally make this dream come true.

 

 

*sigh*

baby fever

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